I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
