I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
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