someone threw a dead crab at me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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