He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
