I hate your face
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
