Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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