Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
don't judge my taste in strippers
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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