i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Michael Bay diarrhea
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
