U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
