he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
