lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize