i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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