Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
