I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
