a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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