She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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