i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
