I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
