If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
