and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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