I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
