woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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