Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
