Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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