I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
