How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
