I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
