K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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