Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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