you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
