I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize