I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
