so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
