But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
she woke up with a sticky ear
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
