I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
