So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
