I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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