woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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