i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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