I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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