I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
