I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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