JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
