So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
