I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
