I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize