I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
