these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
