wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
