This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
