you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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