is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
