Your face is a jimmy john
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
