Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Couch. On fire.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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