i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
