We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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