Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
