Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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