Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The convent might be a nice break from real life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
