you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
