Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
