we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
