i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
