So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
