i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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