haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
