my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
